so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a beard to bite.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
