Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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