whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
