If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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