I need help removing her.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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