You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
