Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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