I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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