I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
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It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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