My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
