I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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