Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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