I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
