I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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