Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to calm my uterus...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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