I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
