She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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