she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
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she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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