Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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