as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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