My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
