I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
