oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
