I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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