Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
