There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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