I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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