I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
