How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
