____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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