ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
