My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
