it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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