Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
