he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
