shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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