marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
