if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
