Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
did you just send me my own nude
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
