There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
