And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
