remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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