Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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