It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
