GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
