Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
