The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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