i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
