peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
