We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
