I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
