I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize