if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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