Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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