yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Randomize
