Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize