theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
